udha and Ashok are in their second year of marriage. Sudha is a nurse and Ashok works for a software firm. They seem to have a good rapport with each other, until one day when all hell breaks loose. This one day as Ashok returns from work he finds Sudha angry and sulking. As a considerate husband he wants to know what her problem is and asks lovingly. Sudha bursts out in anger asking as to why he did not consult her while giving money for his sister’s wedding expenses. He defends his action by saying that his family is important and being the eldest son he has got the responsibility of taking care of his sister’s wedding and he assumes that Sudha will understand. But for Sudha this action was done without consulting her. She feels ignored and unwanted by her husband in something that she feels is crucial for the welfare of the family.
She wants Ashok to consult her before making any decisions so that she can be a part of the decision-making process. Now Ashok feels that as the head of the family he has every right to give the money to his sister’s wedding thinking that he can inform her later. It never came across his mind that this would hurt her this way. Similar scenarios are far too common, especially in Indian households.
Certain relationships in life we cannot choose like our parents, our siblings or our children, but there is a choice as to how we respond to these relationships
Tim Lahaye, a Christian counselor- writer, points out that anger is something that affects people internationally. Anger not only affects relationship between husbands and wives but affects every relationship. If not dealt with, anger can have dire consequences. Lahaye confesses, “I have counseled young people who wished their parents were dead, individuals who could not stand their relatives and in-laws; employees who hated their bosses and those who were disgusted with themselves and God.”
WHAT IS ANGER ANYWAY?
Eastern Bible Dictionary defines anger this way: Anger is the emotion of instant displeasure on account of something evil. It in itself is an original susceptibility of our nature, just as love is, and is not necessarily sinful. It may however, become sinful when causeless, or excessive, or protracted (Matt. 5:22; Eph. 4:26; Col. 3:8) As ascribed to God, it merely denotes his displeasure with sin and with sinners (Ps. 7:11) This shows that it is part of our human nature, this aspect of anger is dealt with in detail while discussing about the origin of anger.
There are various approaches suggested to manage anger today. I find the approach proposed by the late Dr. Gary Smalley, a popular Christian psychologist, very appealing because it is practical, and deals with some core problems and intricacies of human relationships.